If the World Behaved According to the Fantasies of an 8-year Old Boy Who Just Started Doing Push-ups
Published by MaxBro on Tagged Hardly Humor
Mommy and Daddy
Mommy: Hon, have you seen Timmy lately? He’s gotten so strong since he started those push-ups.
Daddy: He’s stronger than me, and he’s only 8 years old! We should double his allowance.
Mommy: And get him two X-box’s for Christmas this year.
Daddy: I agree. And a car. And no more making him eat his broccoli.
Mommy: What about his little brother?
Daddy: Dylan? I gave him away this morning. I told him Timmy was the only child we needed in this family anymore.
Mommy: I’m going to marry Timmy when he grows up.
Daddy: No! My own son taking my wife away from me. Whatever will I do?
Little brother Dylan
Dylan: Why couldn’t I be more like Timmy? He’s so big and strong and I’m so weak and pathetic. Timmy was right, I am a poopypants! I wish I’d never been born!
Note from School Bully
Dear Mom and Dad,
I have to say goodbye now. Timmy Gibbons is just too strong and I fear for my life. I’m going to join the circus and travel around the country. It’ll be fine, really. I hear they serve banana peels and peanut shells. For free. If that doesn’t work out, I can always live under a bridge or in an alley somewhere. I still have Matt Thompson’s milk money, and that should last me a awhile. Goodbye, I will never ever see you again.
Your son,
Jake.
Alice and Jessica, yucky girls at school
Alice: Have you seen Timmy’s bulging muscles?
Jessica: They’re disgusting!
Alice: I’m never going near him again ever!
Jessica: Boys are so gross!
President of the United States
President: General Daniels, get me Timmy Gibbons of 83 Mulberry Circle. I’ve just received word that he did 10 whole push-ups in a row. Without stopping once! I’m awarding him a medal. He’s also allowed to sleep in the White House whenever he wants.
Justice League
Superman: Justice League, I believe we have a new hero among us. His name is Timmy Gibbons. He is even more powerful than me. He will be our greatest champion.
Batman: I wish I could be Timmy.
Flash: Me too.
Batman: I hear he can lift his bed off the ground a whole three inches.
Flash: No way!
Wonder Woman: I wanna marry Timmy.
(Originally published July 2007)
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August 25th, 2008 at 10:48 am
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