12 Awesome Things About ‘Darkman’
Published by MaxBro on Tagged SeriesWho is Darkman?
It seems many people still don’t know. Despite the ingenuous marketing campaign behind Sam Raimi’s 1990 cult classic, many still only know him for the legendary Evil Dead and exciting Spiderman franchises. How sad for those people, because Darkman kicks ass.
So, what is Darkman? I thought you’d never ask. Darkman is basically a gut-punching Phantom of the Opera upgrade, packing more science gizmos, gadgets, and explosions than the average mortal can handle. You could throw the Beauty and the Beast storyline in the mix as well. Put simply, Darkman is a heavily masculine fantasy swashbuckling adventure fairy tale gone plutonium. I’d like to see Blockbuster fit that in the genre description placard in the “Action” section.
Here are the top twelve reasons this movie is a skull-cracking classic:
1.) The Digital Decapitation
Sam Raimi doesn’t waste any time letting you know how much of a face thumping you’re in for. Right in the opening scene we have two crime syndicates competing over a plot of water-front property. Despite Eddie Black’s insistence that “Nobody muscles Eddie Black!” Robert G. Durant and his thugs have a trick up their sleeve, er, leg.
That’s right. After summarily executing Black’s entire squad via “Skip’s” wooden leg/machine gun, Durant moves in to let Black “consider” his points, all the while lopping off Eddie Black’s fingers with each point. And what are these insightful points Mr. Durant shares?
“One, I try not to let my anger get the best of me.” Lop!
“Two, I don’t always succeed.” Lop!
“And three…I’ve got seven more points.”
All Eddie Black can do is scream to high heaven, unable to avoid his fate as a fingerless former gangster at the hands of Durant’s cigar cutter. What a priceless shot:
I fully admit it. This scene scared the shit out of me as a child. The very first night Darkman premiered on TV in 1992 I was 10 years old. I started watching it out of curiosity on my parent’s TV in their bedroom. I thought I could handle a movie Rated R, but I was dead wrong. That scene kept me up all night, wishing I hadn’t traumatized myself so badly.
2.) Robert G. Durant
And speaking of traumatizing, the next reason Darkman kicks ass is none other than ultra-villain Robert G. Durant himself. Not only does he lop off the fingers of anyone who stands in his way, he keeps them in a special wooden box in his home as trophies. He’s like Jeffrey Dahmer, Hannibal Lecter and Dracula all rolled together into one pale, Cuban cigar-smoking, soulless, merciless killer. Hmmm, just like some of the principals I had in school.
3.) The Technology
Even for a movie in the early 90’s, Raimi envisioned technology that is still really awesome to even contemplate. Could you imagine an actual machine that can replicate human skin well enough that you could wear it and people would never know the difference? Simply amazing. There were so many days in high school I wished I could have had a machine like that to cover up all of my skin blemishes.
4.) Darkman’s Isolation and Determination
After Dr. Peyton Westlake has been nearly destroyed by Durant and his nefarious crew, what does he do? Crawl into a hole and die? No way! Donning a black trench coat found in a dumpster, Westlake immediately sets about rebuilding his lab inside an abandoned warehouse. He may have lost his girlfriend, his friends, his work, and his life, but he still doesn’t give up his dream of making artificial skin that lasts indefinitely without melting past the 99-minute mark. That’s called dogged determination.
Of course, mostly what drives Westlake is revenge for the atrocities he suffered, but after all, “Hate is what keeps a man alive,” according to that taskmaster in Ben-Hur, right? That’s right.
5.) Darkman’s Revenge
You think Darkman is the type to sneak up on someone with a pistol and just blow their brains out like a coward? Think again. Darkman makes his first victim suffer a little Chinese water torture in the sewer before popping him through a manhole into the busy street above, where a tractor trailer comes rumbling by to squash Rick’s terrified (and rather elongated-looking) face. That’ll teach him to “ventilate” helpless Asian lab assistants.
6.) The Ol’ Switcheroo
Not content to punish the man who murdered Yakitito, Darkman proceeds to adopt the faces of Durant’s gang. First he takes Pauly’s place during a money pick-up, framing him as an unfaithful underling trying to rob Durant of his goods and make off for Rio. “And first class, too, how delightful.” Pauly gets his comeuppance by getting the heave-ho through the window of a tall building, plunging to his death below.
Next, Darkman frames Durant in a convenience store robbery, thus allowing time to replace him for the next money pick-up—in Chinatown. His plan almost works flawlessly until his disguise exceeds that dreaded 99 minute limit, forcing Darkman to make a hasty exit. Talk about a bad face day. He has barely enough time to pause in a revolving door to examine his “alter ego” on the opposite side before escaping into the busy streets.
7.) The Dripping-With-Adrenaline One-Liners
For a simple revenge story, you may not think Darkman contains many memorable lines. But let me assure you, these are all things you would say too if a crime boss had blown up you home and proceeded to hunt you down across the city in a helicopter with a grenade launcher while you dangled from a single wire.
After evading multiple explosions and machine gun fire Darkman escapes to his new lab and sighs: “Ahhh…you gotta be shittin’ me!”
Then, after securing Durant’s helicopter to a metal bar atop a tractor trailer just before entering a narrow tunnel, Darkman spouts: “Kiss your ass goodbye!”
And finally, after a spectacular vengeance-made fireball: “Burn in hell…hahahahahaha!” Just classic.
8.) The Carnival Scene
This bone-crunching sequence speaks for itself. Check it out:
[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=X_PAvLOGOBM]
9.) Louis Strack, Jr.
Not content making millions as an already wealthy real estate owner who inherited a successful company from his father, Strack delves into the criminal underworld with such minions as Durant to help further expand his insane ambitions. What an asshole! And what an awesome villain! He even has time to court the sexy Julie Hastings while he secretly plots for her boyfriend Darkman’s demise.
10.) Juliiiiiiiie!!!!!!!!
Like a true hero in the mold of Errol Flynn, Darkman swings down to save his girlfriend Julie from certain death during the climactic battle scene with Strack. Without a doubt, this is my favorite part of the movie. Nothing beats the indomitable heroism displayed in this image:
11.) “I’m learning to live with a lot of things.”
While so many other filmmakers might have just sent the main villain off to prison, Raimi gives us a more plausible ending: Darkman drops Strack from 650 feet into a nest of spiked cables. Now that’s justice.
12.) The Bruce Campbell Cameo
Here’s an interesting factoid: Raimi wanted Campbell to play the lead role but the studio didn’t think the Evil Dead star could handle all the pressure. So, the lead eventually went to Liam Neeson instead. If you ask me, I think Campbell would have done very well as Darkman. But it was good that we got to see Liam Neeson in one of the last roles before earning superstardom in the monumental Schindler’s List. After that, he did nothing but a bunch of sissy roles until he played Henri Ducard in Batman Begins.
Darkman remains a personal favorite of mine that I like to watch a few times a year. If you haven’t seen it by now you need to visit here and order at least a few dozen copies. You’ll thank me when your testosterone levels shoot through the roof.
(Originally published 11.26.06)
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